Massive spending has recently held up the economy packages issued by Congress recently have been holding up the US economy for a few months, and markets have been encouraged by this expressed support by the Fed and lawmakers in DC. However, this may not soon be the case. According to reports, prominent lawmakers have been hesitant to issue new relief bills as they find themselves scrambling for sharp and poignant acronyms. Our reporters spoke to one acronym consultant working on an extension of the CARES Act.

“It never used to be this hard. Like we had some real good ones in the past. Like the PATRIOT act: Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism? I mean come on. It was all downhill from there, until the coronavirus hit. Now, I’ve taken a lot of compliments for my work on the CARES, or, Coronavirus Aid, Relief, and Economic Security, Act. And that’s some of my best material there. But I can’t really make ground on a new nickname. If it doesn’t make the standard, people just won’t take it seriously. We just had Health and Economic Recovery Omnibus Emergency Solutions (HEROES) Act, but I really think we’re running out of ideas.

“I’m worried, but I hope we can get it done. Eventually, we might just have to start repeating acronyms.” He shook his head.

“But that would just look really bad. Imagine the headlines with a bad bill name. I can’t even begin to think about how that would affect media numbers. But we are determined.”